


suspending disbelief

by CaptainButts



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Christmas fic, M/M, baekyeol is implied, kaisoo are babies, krisho past relationship, man i really cant tag, previous breakup, suho is just a dad who wants to be loved, the other pairings are barely in it, xiuchen are married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 23:05:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8866933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainButts/pseuds/CaptainButts
Summary: The thing about Junmyeon is that he hates it when things don’t go according to plan.After he’d spent hours upon hours of meticulously going through his checklists to make sure this holiday weekend would be absolutely perfect he could have never planned to watch it only to end up in complete, utter chaos. This gave him a reason to be a little more than irate. or: baekhyun and jongdae don't tell junmyeon that they're bringing junmyeon's ex to his christmas party.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bdock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bdock/gifts).



> _On the way down, we understand what it means to break down._   
>  _On the way out you decide you believe that on the way out it’s too late. ___  
>  _It's the same. ___  
>  _All lines you all used to know, ___  
>  _It's the same._   
>  ____  
>  _-circa survive_   
>    
>    
> 

The thing about Junmyeon is that he hates it when things don’t go according to plan.

 

After he’d spent hours upon hours of meticulously going through his checklists to make sure this holiday weekend would be absolutely perfect he could have never planned to watch it only to end up in complete, utter chaos.

 

This gave him a reason to be a little more than irate.

 

He stood on his balcony, leaning against the railing to look out at the city-- Alone, of course, because when wasn’t he alone nowadays? Junmyeon let out a huff, hugging himself a little bit. It wasn’t the most optimal time to be contemplating his existence, seeing as though it was a bit less than ten degrees outside. He looked over his shoulder at listening to his guests laugh at the movies before detaching himself from the privacy of his balcony. He made his way back into his house, opening the door before his eyes widened in absolute horror.

 

“What the _fuck_?”

 

This was how he reached a low point in his life and if the cause of Junmyeon’s ultimate peril had a name, it would be called Wu Yifan.

…

 

“What do you mean you want me to host the party?” Junmyeon sighed, trying to hold his phone with his shoulder. “A party that’s going to take place in a little under a week, no less? You’re crazy, Baekhyun.”

 

The cake batter he was trying to pour into the pan was currently spilling onto his freshly waxed kitchen floor. Tao was sitting on the kitchen counter, a low whistle on his lips as he looked down at the pooling mess at his dad’s feet. Junmyeon gave him a questioning look, only to receive a nod toward the chocolate puddle on the floor. He hissed, tossing his phone on the counter.

 

“Tao, could you put that on speaker please? Your uncle is giving me a damn aneurism, Jesus.” Junmyeon rushed over to get some wipes, hearing the exchange of some pleasantries between his best friend and his son.

 

He really loved his friends from college, he did. He wanted more than anything to reconnect with them after they’d all gotten so busy, each of them separating to follow their different paths, but three days? That gave him little to no time to actually prepare to host a party. Let alone the fact that they’d be staying at his apartment for more than just the weekend.

 

“ _Hey kid! Is your dad still alive or did I freak him out a bit too much?”_

 

Grinning, the boy couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “You know how my dad gets about planning parties.”

 

“At least a week in advance is all I ask for!” Junmyeon seethed as he heard the guffaw from the other end of the line.

 

“ _Even your son knows you’re anal about this shit.”_

 

Junmyeon gasped. “Language, _Baekhyun_.”

 

“Dad, I’m _thirteen_. And you cuss all the time--”

 

“Beside the point, Tao.”

 

“ _Anyway, so everyone will be coming in around the 22nd? That’s cool right?_ ”

 

“Wait who’s coming again?”

 

There was a pause on the other end. “ _Uhh, you know just the guys, the bros...you know...and Kyungsoo and Sehun, of course._ ”

 

“Sehun!!!” Tao exclaimed, bouncing in his seat at the thought of his best friend visiting again.

 

The backdoor leading to Junmyeon’s kitchen opened up. Junmyeon turned to see a shocked looking teen. “Kyungsoo is coming?”

 

Junmyeon’s eyes narrowed a bit, wondering what his son was doing back from school so early.

“Jongin, aren’t you supposed to be at your tutoring session right now?”

“W-Well we finished up a bit quicker than usual,” he said, avoiding his dad’s gaze. “Hi Uncle.” He greeted politely into the speaker.

 

_“So you’re getting tutored now, Jonginie? That’s great! I heard Kyungsoo has been tutoring someone for a while too now and he--”_

 

“Oh ho...Look at the time,” Jongin looked down at his empty wrist, then back up at his dad and curious little brother. Junmyeon eyed him warily, watching his son’s cheeks flush brightly. “I actually have a huge exam tomorrow before winter break. Nice talking to you Uncle, bye!!” Jongin darted out the kitchen up the stairs leading to his room as Junmyeon watched his retreating figure.

 

“Such a strange kid,” Junmyeon laughed, earning himself a chuckle from Jongdae.

 

“ _So I’ll pick up the guys from the airport and we’ll probably be at your place sometime in the afternoon._ ”

 

Junmyeon let out a resigned sigh. “Yeah, I guess that’s fine. Can you come over to help me prepare the food and decorations at least?”

 

“ _Oooh, about that. I’m actually in Gwangju at the moment and won’t be back until Christmas Eve--”_

 

The older of the two rolled his eyes.  He walked over to the kitchen window before speaking. “Baekhyun, you live across the street from me. I’m literally watching you chop vegetables in your kitchen as you speak.”

 

Junmyeon watched Baekhyun’s head snap up through his window. Tao and Junmyeon waved at Baekhyun with matching smug looks on their faces. The two watched Baekhyun’s eyes widened as he quickly drew the curtain to cover himself.

 

“ _Huh? What? Sorry, I think you’re breaking up I can barely hear you. But I’ll see you on Christmas Eve!_ ”

 

There was a click on the other end, Junmyeon groaned at the sound of the dial tone. “Well that’s just great. Just one less person to help me prepare, but that’s okay because you’ll help me, right Tao-ah?”

 

“About that…” Tao looked up at his dad, wincing before he sucked in a breath. “I’m gonna head over to Luhan’s right now, see ya later Papa!”  

 

Junmyeon’s jaw dropped. “Abandoned by my own son,” he grimaced, shaking his head. He figured he would start somewhere, so he headed to the attic where he would unpack all of his Holiday decorations that he’d accumulated throughout the years.

\--

 

The scent of cedarwood was something rather comforting to Junmyeon. He opened the boxes filled with memories, taking out all the photo albums from his college days.

 

He sifted through them, cracking grins and laughing a little when he found some pictures of the time he and Chen were roommates: The rare span of time prior to Chen and Xiumin’s relationship. He stared down at the picture for a brief moment, before he realized a picture was stuck to the first. He nearly tore the two pictures, but he succeeded. His body froze when he looked down at it. Junmyeon thought--no, he had sworn that he’d burned all the pictures of he had left of him. His shoulders began to shake as he let out a trembling breath.

 

“Dad?” The hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He whipped his head around to see Jongin staring at him with concern. “Are you alright?” His son moved toward him and he quickly wiped away his tears.

 

He smiled. “Yeah, I’m okay. Do you need something?”

 

Jongin shook his head, coming closer to Junmyeon to wrap his arms around his dad. “I was just going to ask if you needed any help decorating.”

 

Junmyeon leaned into his touch. He was blessed to have such sweet kids, honestly. It had been tough the first few years. Junmyeon knew parenting would be difficult, but his children made it easy on him. They were never too disobedient, and they never got up to trouble. “I would love your help,” he said softly.

 

Jongin perked up, looking over Junmyeon’s shoulder to see the albums scattered across the attic floor. “What’s all this?”

 

Junmyeon shrugged, “Just some old stuff from college. Nothing too special.”

 

His son’s eyes lit up before he snorted. “Is that Uncle _Chanyeol_? Oh my God, what happened to his hair?”

 

“Coconut Chanyeol,” Junmyeon shook his head. “A rare time.” Jongin sent his dad a look, urging him to explain. “He lost a bet to Baekhyun.”

 

Jongin laughed, eyes flitting over the pictures, commenting on his favorite ones. Minutes flew by until his eyes landed on a peculiar picture. “Is this me?” His voice softened.

 

Junmyeon nodded his head. “Yeah, that’s you and Kyungsoo from our first Christmas with Uncle Jongdae and Uncle Xiumin.”

 

Jongin nodded, grinning. “Can I keep this?”

 

“Of course you can. I already claimed all my favorite ones. I’ll hang them up in the living room so that everyone can reminisce on our glorious college days.”

 

“ _Glorious_? Please,” Jongin rolled his eyes, “Uncle Yixing told me that before he came along all you guys did was play video games in your underwear and attend Dungeons and Dragons meetings.”

 

Junmyeon’s eyes narrowed as he let out a feigned gasp. “He said _what_??”

 

Jongin threw his head back in laughter. “Don’t tell him I told you that, he’ll kill me!”

 

“I’m going to kill him first. That is the biggest lie, we only went to the D&D meeting for the _irony_ \--” (“Dad, you actually went?”) “--and we didn’t just play videogames in our underwear. We went out too sometimes...” He paused, “...To the library.”

 

Jongin snorted, eyes crinkling a little bit as he covered his mouth. He paused for a second before picking up another picture. He stared at it for a moment. “Who is this?” Jongin held up the picture, and Junmyeon’s mouth went dry.

 

“He’s no one,” Junmyeon reached out to take it from him, but Jongin held it to his chest.

 

“I want to keep this one,” Jongin said, solemn.

 

Junmyeon’s gaze went cold for a moment. “Not that one.”

 

“Why not?” Jongin pouted. “You look really happy here.” Junmyeon couldn’t tear his eyes off the photo. The worst part is, he remembers everything about it.

 

The way he smiled against against the broad chest, heart thumping in his chest quicker than it ever had before. He remembered the way he looked up to see the firm, cool eyes of the other. He clenched his fists to his side, trying not to look affected in front of his son.

 

Jongin tilted his head at him. It was silent for a brief second before Jongin asked in a low tone. “If he’s no one, then why do you look so upset?”

 

And then something in Junmyeon snapped. His voice rose and he let out an angry growl. “ _Drop it._ ” He instantly regretted it, eyes widening when he looked at his son’s hurt expression. “Sorry. I just--”

 

“It’s okay, I shouldn’t have pried…” He placed the photo on the floor and slid it to his dad, looking a little bit ashamed. Jongin stood up, grabbing a box to take downstairs. “I’ll get started with the living room.” He gave his dad a tight smile before climbing down the ladder.

 

Junmyeon sat on the attic floor, looking down at the picture guiltily.

 

When he came down the ladder, Jongin was sitting in the middle of the living room, trying desperately to untangle the Christmas lights. Junmyeon watched him for a moment before sitting behind him.

 

He pressed his cheek against his son’s back and hesitantly reached around to hug his waist. “I’m sorry.”

 

His son sighed, head turning to look at his dad. Junmyeon knew Jongin could feel his tears. It was dampening his sweater a bit.

 

“I know.” Junmyeon looked up at him, pushing the picture into Jongin’s palms. “Keep it. Please.”

 

“You can tell me when you’re ready.”

 

He was sniffling now, giggles bubbling out. “When did _you_ become more mature than _me_?”

 

“Ask yourself that, you raised me this way.”

 

Jongin turned toward him and Junmyeon sighed, reaching up to cup his cheek. “You really grew up so fast.”

 

Jongin scrunched his nose. “I know, you’re so old. You sound like grandpa right now.”

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Junmyeon dropped his hand then reached into the box. “We should really get started on all of this if we want to finish in time before they get here.”

 

Jongin nodded.

 

They untangled the Christmas lights relatively quickly. “Should we go hang them now?”

 

Junmyeon nodded. “I’ll go grab the ladder. Do you mind getting your brother from next door? It’s getting dark.”

 

Jongin nodded. “I don’t know why he hangs out with Luhan-hyung so much, that guy has really bad hair.”

 

“Hey, don’t be bitter just because he beat you at that spelling bee.”

 

Jongin blushed, stuttering out something along the lines of “That was five years ago! I swear I’m not bitter!!!” Junmyeon didn’t believe him, ignoring the huff of indignation before the slamming of their front door.

 

He snickered, picking up the ladder from the supply closet down the hall.

 

When his boys came back, he ushered them to their front yard, mounting the ladder against the roof before climbing up. Tao handed off the lights to his older brother, who climbed up the ladder after Junmyeon. Junmyeon was standing on the roof, trying to hang the lights on one of the detachable hooks.

 

“Papa, be careful!” Tao shouted from the ground, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

 

Jongin seconded his comment. “It looks like there’s a bit of frost on the roof. It’s slippery.”

 

Junmyeon laughed, “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine--”

 

Which was what people said in movies right before they slid off the roof-- unfortunately for Junmyeon, this was exactly what happened.

 

“Fuck!” Jongin cried, reaching out fruitlessly to try to grab his dad. Tao ran over to his dad, who had crash-landed onto his side, groaning in pain at the fall.

 

“Papa!” he shouted. “Are you okay??”

 

“Ugh,” he groaned. “Yeah, I think so.”

 

Tao nearly jumped on top of his dad, but Jongin stopped him, jutting out one arm.

 

“Don’t.” Jongin crouched down next to his father’s figure. “He’s fragile in his old age.”

 

Junmyeon scoffed. “I don’t know what hurt more: the fall or that insult.”

Jongin shrugged. Tao looked up at the roof, and then ran inside to plug the lights in.

 

Junmyeon stayed on the grass, afraid of the oncoming pain that would surely come if he moved his limbs. Jongin laid down beside him, the two of them watching as the lights instantly lit up. Tao came back outside.

 

“Now we’re talking!” he shouted, jogging over to them to lay down next to Jongin.

 

They laid there for a while, looking up at the flash of the lights and the droplets of snow falling down.

 

“I love you two,” Junmyeon said.

 

Tao groaned. “Way to make this gross, Papa.”

 

Junmyeon pouted, earning a loud “Ew!” from his youngest, which he promptly ignored.

 

Jongin nudged his dad’s hand with the back of his wrist.

 

“We love you too,” he mouthed.

 

Junmyeon didn’t say anything when he heard Tao’s reluctant response under his breath.

 

Yeah. His sons were a blessing.

 

\--

 

It was Christmas Eve. Junmyeon frantically finished preparing lunch, placing all the dishes across his kitchen counter.

 

He looked over at the clock, wondering whether they would arrive soon. Jongin rolled his eyes at his dad’s antics. “Dad, everything looks fine. Stop worrying, you’re stressing me out just by watching you.”

 

Tao nodded in agreement, sitting on the floor with Kandy in matching Christmas sweaters that Tao had _begged_ Junmyeon to get him. He held a toy in his hand, and Kandy had just begun to play with it when the doorbell rang. The three of them shot each other excited looks.

 

Junmyeon moved toward the door, but was stopped by Jongin. “You’re being too weird to open it. Tao, get the door, yeah?”

 

His ears were violated with squeals (most definitely all from Chanyeol) and a flurry of greetings. Junmyeon was smiling as he made his way into the living room to greet his guests. Minseok and Jongdae came in first, both of them capturing Tao in a bear hug. Sehun waited patiently behind them, waiting to greet his friend with a completely straight face. Tao nearly tackled him, eliciting a hint of a grin from the younger of the two. Yixing came in and immediately flopped onto Junmyeon’s couch. Junmyeon would make sure to wake him up in a couple of hours, he deserved the extra sleep, having flown from Beijing. Chanyeol and Baekhyun bounded inside their home with a grumpy looking Kyungsoo lugging in some suitcases.

 

He pulled Baekhyun into a hug first, wrapping his arms around him. Jongdae came up from behind him to embrace his best friend, before he apologized.

 

“Hey hyung, thanks for being the bigger person and letting us bring him along.” Jongdae patted Junmyeon’s back.

 

Junmyeon tilted his head, raising a brow in confusion. “What do you mean?”

 

Jongdae’s eyes widened. He whipped his head toward Baekhyun before grabbing Baekhyun by the ear and pulling him close. “You fucking asshole! You didn’t _tell_ him??”  

 

“Tell me what?”

 

Baekhyun groaned at Jongdae, completely ignoring his hyung. “C’mon, you know he would have never agreed to it.”

 

“Agree to what??”

 

Jongdae winced, then nodded toward the door. Junmyeon turned around, making his way to the entrance to see what they were talking about.

 

And then he stopped in his tracks. He nearly blanched, face paling. Jongdae and Baekhyun exchanged looks before Junmyeon turned around, mouth contorting in anger.

 

“Byun Baekhyun, I will fucking wring your neck if you don’t tell me why the _fuck_ Kris Wu is here.” Junmyeon’s face was a furious shade of red. Baekhyun shrunk back, gravitating toward Chanyeol who was immersed in a deep one-sided conversation with a sleeping Yixing. Junmyeon grabbed him by the collar. “ _Explain_.”

 

There was a cough from behind him. Junmyeon’s blood ran cold. He slowly turned around, teeth gritted together as he forced a smile.

 

“Uh.. hey Suho.”

 

“Do _not_ call me that.”  

 

Kris pressed his lips into a firm line. His expression was completely unreadable to Junmyeon. There was a point in time where Junmyeon would have known what the older was thinking. A time where he could recognize every twitch of his lips--every slight quirk of his brow--even the way Kris would toy with his fingers.

 

But that was then.

 

Now all he saw was a stranger standing in his living room with more distance than Junmyeon could have ever imagined.

 

The rest of the room went silent, eyes on Kris and Junmyeon before Tao nervously piped up, clearing sensing the thick tension. “P-Papa made food!”

 

Everyone’s eyes turned toward Tao, and then everything was back to how Junmyeon had planned. The chattering filled the house once more as Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Tao bounded toward the kitchen, pulling some of the others along.

 

Jongdae came up to Junmyeon. “Is now the best time to be doing this?” he hissed.

 

Junmyeon glared daggers at him. “You could have warned me. You could have _called_.” He didn’t bother keeping his voice down. He shook his head before following the rest of them into the kitchen.

…

 

The rest of the night was rather uneventful, all of them gathering together to exchange stories. Kyungsoo and Jongin went upstairs to leave the adults to talk about their glory days. Sehun and Tao ran to their backyard to play in the inch of snow together, Junmyeon only stopping them to layer up and make sure they were properly bundled up.

 

The seven of them sat in front of Junmyeon’s fireplace rather awkwardly.

 

“I’d like to address the elephant in the room--” Chanyeol started, but was quickly shut down with a hand over his mouth by Baekhyun and Minseok simultaneously.

 

“ _Don’t._ ”

 

Junmyeon stood up. “Does anyone want something to drink? Hot chocolate? Tea?”

 

“I want some hot chocolate, if you don’t mind,” Kris piped up.

 

“I don’t care what you want.” Junmyeon turned to the rest of them. “Anyone? No? Alrighty.”

 

Jongdae quickly followed after him, pushing him against the kitchen counter. “Hyung?? What the hell??”

 

“Listen, I didn’t ask him to come. This was literally forced on me.”

 

Jongdae sighed. “I know you’re upset, but you’re not even giving him a chance to explain--”

 

Junmyeon’s head nearly burst into flames. “A _chance_? Are you serious right now?” He gaped at his best friend. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. “You know better than anyone what Yifan put me through.”

 

“That was a poor choice of words, I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what you must be going through right now.” Jongdae gulped. “But he’s here now so all you can do is be civil.”

 

Junmyeon’s eyebrows furrowed. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes but he fought them back, shaking his head. “Why the hell did you bring him here?” he whispered with watery eyes.

 

Jongdae didn’t answer him. He only looked ahead of him. Junmyeon rolled his eyes, turning his head to see Kris standing inside the kitchen with them. He looked different then--more vulnerable but more mature in a peculiar sense. Kris looked humbled, a look that Junmyeon had never seen on him. He almost laughed.

 

“I’ll just… Leave you two to talk it out.” Jongdae quickly escaped, leaving the tense atmosphere.

 

Kris licked his lips in what appeared to be nervousness. “Look, Suho--”

 

“Junmyeon. It’s Junmyeon,” he corrected. “You don’t get to call me that anymore.”

 

Kris nodded, his adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he gulped. “Sorry, I’m not used to it.”

 

“Still afraid of changes, I guess.” Junmyeon rolled his eyes, letting confidence fill him. He loved it. He loved having Kris in the palm of his hand. He loved watching him squirm uncomfortably.

 

He loved the way he was able to make Kris feel just as weak as Junmyeon did all those years ago.

 

“I can…” Kris started, coughing into his hand. “I can leave if you want. I know I’m not exactly welcome here.”

 

“That would be great, thanks,” Junmyeon replied curtly, turning his back to grab a glass from his cupboard. He regretted it the moment he said it, and he hated himself for it. He almost took it back--he wanted to so, so badly. He wanted to get down on his knees and ask him _why, why, why_ Kris had up and left him the way he did. Could they start over? What could he have done _better_? He bit his tongue.

 

Kris seemed taken aback by his quick response. He only nodded, glancing over at Junmyeon’s figure. “You look beautiful, by the way.”

 

Junmyeon froze, his gut twisting. His fist clenched around the glass. He heard retreating footsteps before he felt the glass break in his palm. He looked down at the broken shards and the flesh it had torn.

 

He felt disgusting.

 

Junmyeon went back out into the living room to be greeted by the rest of his friends who stared at him with the most shocked faces he’d ever seen.

 

“Did you really just kick him out?” Minseok scoffed. “When he’d flown here from Hong Kong? _Really_?”

 

Jongdae jumped to his best friend’s defense. “Hey, this was my fault. I should have let Junmyeon know--”

 

“Nonetheless, you shouldn’t have kicked him out…” Chanyeol rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “That was really mean, hyung.”

 

Junmyeon raised his hand to his forehead, feeling a bit dizzy. Too much was going on for him to function. Chanyeol shrieked, instantly jumping off the reclining chair he was in to look at Junmyeon’s hand. “You’re bleeding!”

 

A flurry of questions came from the lot of them before Junmyeon shook his head. “I’m gonna go get Kris and tell him to come back. I shouldn’t have treated a guest like that.”

 

They went silent for a moment.

 

“Wait, what happened?” Yixing asked, eyes cracking open as he sat up on the couch. “What’d I miss?”

 

Junmyeon patted him on the back (with his good hand) and shot out the door. Kris was waiting on the curb, fiddling with his phone when Junmyeon approached him.

 

He breathed out, shakily, watching Kris turn his head to face him. “I’m sorry.” Kris raised a brow, opening his mouth to speak, but Junmyeon cut him off. “I shouldn’t have treated you like that when you came all the way here to see everyone,” he looked down at his feet, “but you _can’t_ …

 

Kris moved closer to him, only to receive a glare from the shorter. “...you can’t just talk to me like nothing happened between us. You can’t just do that, _Yifan._ ”  His voice broke. He knew how pathetic he looked, how his lip was probably trembling and how his body was shivering against the cold winter air.

 

Kris walked up to him with a questioning gaze. “Does this mean you’ll let me stay?”

 

Junmyeon rolled his eyes. “Yeah, you can stay. I’ll try to be civil.” He pointed accusingly at Kris. “But _don’t_ push it.”

 

The laugh that came out of Kris’ mouth was light and airy. And Junmyeon hated the way it still made his heart flutter.

 

They walked back into the house to be greeted by their friends, who were all waiting by the door expectantly. There was a chorus of coos from the doorway. Kris and Junmyeon exchanged looks of confusion until Baekhyun pouted his lips, smacking them together mockingly. Minseok reluctantly pointed up at the mistletoe hanging above the two of them.

 

“Hell no,” Junmyeon seethed, trying to break his way past the brick wall that his group of friends had constructed around the doorway.

 

“Christmas rules, no take backs!” Chanyeol shouted at them, clapping his hands together like a performing seal.

 

Junmyeon’s face was beet red, eyebrows knitting together in anger before he was pulled gently into Kris’ chest. Kris quickly captured his lips, pecking them chastely.

 

Their friends were appeased by this, Junmyeon too shocked by the kiss to even hear over their cheers. Kris avoided his eyes and walked back toward the living room where the rest were dispersing.

 

Junmyeon touched his lips, gritting his teeth when he heard the click of a tongue. Jongdae was watching him carefully.

 

“That’s why you were so upset and afraid and anxious --Oh my God, hyung!!” Jongdae whispered. “You’re still in _love_ with him!”

 

Junmyeon gasped, offended by his friend’s (clearly) false observations. “Don’t be ridiculous. What happened between us was years ago.”

 

The look that Jongdae sent him showed he was unconvinced.  “I know you better than that, Junmyeon-hyung.”

 

He hummed in response.

 

The rest of the night went on without a hitch, all of them deciding to talk about what they’d been doing the past year, unwinding with a couple of glasses of eggnog.

 

Somewhere through the night, Yixing pulled out his portable karaoke machine from his luggage.

 

He started off with a song they all tried to cover together during freshman year of college, Baekhyun belting his part while Chanyeol gazed at his boyfriend longingly. Junmyeon watched Yixing.

 

He really admired Yixing--not just because of his personality, but because of his resolution and how he handled hardship with grace. Being a single dad was incredibly difficult, but knowing that one of his friends was somehow managing to survive while being a parent and a full-time worker seemed to calm him. Yixing made eye contact with him and smiled, nudging the mic toward Junmyeon. He smiled, shaking his head. He wasn’t necessarily as comfortable with his voice as the rest of them. Sure, he knew his voice wasn’t bad, but sometimes in the face of other talented people he shied away.

 

Kris leaned in to whisper, “Why don’t you sing?”

 

“Why don’t you?”

 

Kris chuckled, shrugging his shoulders a little. “You know I like rapping better.”

 

And Junmyeon did know this. He didn’t even know why he asked. He continued to watch his friends with a small smile gracing his lips, desperately trying to ignore how he could feel Kris’ eyes on him every so often.

 

It was nearly midnight when Tao and Sehun came down from Tao’s room, and Junmyeon wondered what exactly his other son was up to at the moment, but his train of thought was derailed.

 

“Now we’re talking, baby!” Tao shouted from the staircase, with Sehun trailing behind him.

 

Junmyeon was incredibly thankful that Tao plopped down in between him and Kris. Sehun ushered over to Yixing, clambering into his lap to rest his head against his dad’s chest and Junmyeon watched him instinctively wrap his arms around his son. His eyes crinkled and his heart softened. Never would he have imagined Yixing adopting a child by himself.

 

Kris was engaging in conversation with Tao, Junmyeon tuning in and out of the Disney-centric conversation they were having. It was nice, watching Kris with his son-- it was exactly how he’d imagined it to be.

 

While everyone was cringing at Minseok and Jongdae’s love song duet (everyone watching them with sick stomachs as they made eyes at each other from across the couch) Junmyeon stood up.

 

He couldn’t do it.

 

He wanted to hate Kris so badly. He still resented him so much--he didn’t _want_ to forgive him.  

 

Junmyeon escaped, but not without being noticed. Chanyeol eyed him from his spot on the loveseat. He quirked a brow. “You okay?” he mouthed at Junmyeon.

 

Junmyeon nodded, brushing him off quickly to make his way up the stairs. He didn’t think much of it when he heard music playing in his son’s room-- and then he heard two  ear-piercing screams.

 

His head couldn’t process fast enough what the scene was until it registered moments later.

 

There was so much skin.

 

Way too much skin.

 

His eyes widened as he tried to block out the image, covering his eyes with his hands. He tried to run away, knocking into the door that he’d flung open before he got a grip on himself.

 

“Oh my _God_ , I’m --I’ll just. Sorry! I’m??” he squeaked, slamming the door shut. He let his body slide down against the door and he cradled his head in his hands.

 

Did he actually just catch his son and his best friends’ son really having sex?

 

Yeah, maybe he just did.

 

Was he going to drink enough vodka to completely forget about it?

 

Yeah, maybe he would.

 

He shook the thoughts out of his mind quickly, making his way to his bathroom. He turned on the faucet, splashing his face with water. Junmyeon looked up at his reflection in the mirror. Never had he felt this utterly wrecked. Kris coming back into his life was a wakeup call from reality: he was _still_ alone. After all these years, it all came back to Wu Yifan. He breathed in and out in long, deep waves. Junmyeon didn’t want to admit it, but he had a feeling Jongdae was right. His throat constricted, and he felt the tears pooling in his eyes.

 

He let out a groan. Kris was able to flip his entire life upside down in just the span of a few _hours._ Why? He looked away from himself, ashamed of how weak he felt, when he turned to see Jongin standing at the door to his bedroom.

 

“Jongin-ah?” He coughed, suddenly recalling that he’d seen his son in an extremely compromising position. “Do you need something?”

 

Jongin’s eyes were blown wide, his shirt thrown on haphazardly and his cheeks a deep shade of red on his sun-kissed skin. “I...Uh.. Dad, are you _okay_? You’re not crying because of what you saw, right?” He toyed with the hem of his shirt nervously, eyes flitting from Junmyeon’s face to his feet awkwardly.

 

Junmyeon shook his head vigorously. “No, no. Not at all, I was just a bit ...shocked, but I’m by no means upset by it.”

 

Jongin let out a sigh of relief. “What’s wrong then?”

 

Junmyeon bit his lip. “It’s nothing. Go back to Kyungsoo, I’ll see you downstairs.”

 

He was about to walk out, but Jongin blurted out, “Kris is the guy from the picture.”

 

Junmyeon paused. “Yeah, he is.”

 

“What happened between you two?”

 

Junmyeon looked at him. “It’s a long story--”

 

“Give me the abridged version.” Jongin shrugged. “Kyungsoo went back downstairs, I’m in no rush.”

 

“We were together for six years,” he started. Jongin nodded his head, motioning for his dad to continue. “Then we weren’t.”

 

Jongin deadpanned, “I’ll need more detail than _that_ , c’mon!” He flopped down onto Junmyeon’s bed, grabbing a pillow to pull up to his chest.

 

Junmyeon was silent for a moment, before he sat down on the bed next to Jongin. “He was going to be your dad, y’know?”

 

Jongin froze. “What?”

 

He nodded his head. “Well, your other dad, besides me.” He smiled at the thought. He remembered all the paperwork the two had filed, meeting with a caseworker and working with the adoption agency for months. Junmyeon had it all figured out, he did. He loved having every aspect of his life perfectly laid out in front of himself. Who’d have thought it would end up that way.

 

Jongin gaped at him, letting out a huff. “And then??”

 

“He left.” Junmyeon smiled. “In the middle of the night with no explanation. Just a note that said he was sorry.”

 

Jongin’s fists were clenched, nearly white. “That fucking _bastard._ ”

 

Junmyeon laughed, swatting Jongin playfully. “Hey, be respectful, that could have been your dad.”

 

“He’s an asshole is what he is.”

 

Junmyeon pressed his forehead to his son’s chest. “Yeah.”

 

“Why were you with him then? If he was so... _bad_?”

 

Laughter bubbled from his chest. “He always tried to be so...cool but everyone would make fun of him for trying so hard. Yifan..he was just too endearing for me not to love.” He shrugged. “It’s stupid, but I really fell head over heels for him. He really won me over when he took me out on our first date but accidentally set himself on fire by knocking over the candle on our table.” Junmyeon snorted. “We were kicked out of that restaurant and we’re still banned for life.”

 

Jongin watched his dad’s eyes light up as he retold stories about his old flame, wondering when he’d last seen his father this happy.

 

“He was the first person to make me feel like I mattered. Like, _really_ mattered. He would tell me not to worry and he would rub the creases on my forehead out when I was stressed. He was the person I came home to every night. He was all I looked forward to after work, just being around him made me happy. He made me feel like I was worth something.”

 

Junmyeon didn’t realize he was crying until then, the tears just coming out in small streams that Jongin quickly tried to wipe away.

 

“Do Tao and I make you feel like...you matter?” Jongin’s voice was unsure.

 

“Don’t be silly, of course you do.” Junmyeon ruffled his hair before whispering, “You and Tao are my sun and stars.”

 

“Did I ever remind you of him?”

 

“You only reminded me of what he was missing out on.” Junmyeon grinned. “While he was out doing…” Junmyeon waved his hand dismissively, “I don’t know, whatever he was doing, I was raising two of the best boys in the world.”

 

Jongin was silent for a moment, deep in thought. “Doesn’t it hurt? Didn’t you miss him?”

 

“It did.” Junmyeon gulped. “It still does--” His voice was barely a whisper. “I’m stupid for feeling this way, but I still do miss him. And I feel awful…”

 

“Dad--”

 

“I should be content, shouldn’t I? I have you and Tao and that’s all I could have ever asked for, but sometimes… Sometimes I’m just so _lonely_ . I don’t want anyone else, I just want _him_.” Junmyeon was sobbing into his son’s shoulder, and Jongin had no idea what to do. He gathered his dad in his arms, rubbing his back in an attempt to comfort him.

 

There was a knock on the door, Tao peeking his head inside the room to see his family bundled up together. Kris poked his head in as well, coming up from behind Tao with a look of concern.

 

“Is everything okay?” he asked, his deep baritone the epitome of an authority figure.

 

Junmyeon’s body seemed to stiffen in Jongin’s arms. Jongin whipped his head toward the door, his eyes hardening on Kris, before he let go of his dad. Jongin gave him an appraising look, before he reached out and punched him square in the jaw.

 

Kris stuttered backwards, eyes wide with confusion. Jongin scoffed, “That’s for breaking my dad’s heart.” Junmyeon let out a gasp, hands coming up to cover his mouth. His son had always been a pacifist, a sweet angel. Seeing him hit his former lover was the last thing he ever expected to witness, but he really couldn’t stop himself from the pride that was slowly blooming in his chest.

 

“You better talk everything out, right now.” Jongin pointed at Kris, then pulled a very confused looking Tao along with him down the hallway.

 

“Well, that kid is a lot tougher than he looks,” Kris stated, rubbing his jaw as he winced. “Can we talk then?” Junmyeon watched him wearily from his spot on his bed. “Y’know, I wouldn’t want him to come back for round two.”

 

Junmyeon snorted, stifling a laugh. “Fine, but only because it would be embarrassing to watch your ass get handed to you by a sixteen year-old.”

 

“So,” Kris sat down next to him. “Jongin...was,” he gulped. “He was the one we were going to…” Junmyeon watched Kris’ face scrunch up, searching for the right words. “...adopt together?”

 

Junmyeon nodded. “Yeah.”

 

Kris nodded. “I did miss out. I wish I could say that I was the one who taught him to hit like that, God _damn_.”

 

Despite the sharp jab at his chest, Junmyeon laughed. “Yeah, you really did.”

 

He watched Kris shut his eyes, letting out a huff of breath. “I would have been an awful father, believe me. It was for the best that I left--”

 

“What do you mean?” Junmyeon narrowed his eyes. “You would have been an _amazing_ father. You were just too afraid to take the chance.”

 

“They would have hated me, you know,” Kris scoffed. “I would have messed up somehow. You’ve always been better with dealing with people-- with emotions, I guess. I wasn’t… I wasn’t ready for that.”

 

Junmyeon wanted to tear his hair out.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice cracked. “Why did you just... _leave_ in the middle of the night without so much as giving me a reason. You never said goodbye, you never answered my messages--Jesus, fuck, _Kris_!” Junmyeon’s body shook, his lip trembling as he whispered, “Do you know how hard it was to raise a kid all by myself?”

 

Kris turned to him, grabbing him by the shoulders to gape at him. “You did an amazing job though!” His eyes were wide and filled with tears. “Don’t you understand? You were able to do it all without me.”

 

“That doesn’t mean it was any less difficult,” Junmyeon hissed, hoping his words would cut through Kris’ thick skull.

 

“I’m sorry.” Kris looked completely defeated. “If I could go back and change--”

 

His voice was ice. Junmyeon shut his eyes, shrugging Kris’ hands off him. “But you can’t, can you?”

 

Kris was silent for a moment, before he looked back up to meet Junmyeon’s eyes with pure intensity.

 

He really couldn’t bear the fact that his heart was beating so quickly, the thumping of his chest startling him, his breaths coming in like ripples: he was still in love.

 

“Maybe we can try again… I want--”

 

Junmyeon inhaled sharply.

 

“I want to be here for you this time--for them. I want to have a family with you,” Kris said. “I’m ready.”

 

Junmyeon’s jaw went slack. “Yeah.” He covered his hand with his mouth before he scoffed. “So was I.” He stood up and walked out of his room, ignoring the pained look on Kris’ face.

 

And if he heard a choked sob on the way out-- well, he chose to ignore it.

 

…

 

Junmyeon figured everything was going relatively well. If anyone noticed a change between Kris and Junmyeon, they didn’t point it out. The two of them kept to themselves, not interacting with each other, other than the small pleasantries that the rest of their friends expected of them when they’d all gather and talk. Jongdae passed him a sympathetic look, which Junmyeon pointedly ignored.

 

It was Christmas. Christmas was spent opening gifts, not opening old wounds.

 

They all decided they would take turns going through everyone’s gifts so they could all see what they gifted each other. His friends mostly exchanged gag gifts: condoms, lube (“Are you serious? This is a family friendly gathering, Baekhyun!”), wine bottles, 2PM’s latest album (“That album is _sexy_ , how is this a ‘joke’ gift? I’m keeping it!”), and lots of liquor (because Yixing had no idea what the hell to get any of them).

 

Tao loved the brand new accessories for Kandy that his uncles bought for him. Junmyeon watched with bright eyes as Tao unwrapped his gift.

 

“Papa, you _didn’t_.”

 

Junmyeon puffed his chest out a little bit, swelling with pride. “But I _did_.”

 

Tao squealed excitedly, staring at the brand new Playstation with stars in his eyes. He let out a string of thank yous, tackling his dad in a hug (after carefully putting down the gift, of course).

 

There was one more gift left for Tao under their tree. Tao looking at it with curiosity.

 

“It’s from Kris?” He looked up to see Kris wave at him with a tiny smile.

 

He tore it open, eyes going wide as he looked down at it. “Holy _shit_.”

 

Junmyeon gasped, “Tao-ah, _language_!”

 

“‘m sorry!!! But--Oh my God…”

 

Jongin stepped up from behind him, his jaw dropping. Baekhyun and Chanyeol followed suit, crowding around the gift. “No way, this cannot be real.”

 

“It is,” Kris blurted out.

 

Junmyeon furrowed his brows. “What is it?”

 

Tao tilted the gift toward his dad. “It’s an Alienware gaming laptop.” His pupils were blown wide--Junmyeon had never seen his son look more enthralled. He looked like he was about to bounce off the walls. “This...is literally over a thousand dollars-- I’m going to…”

 

Tao jumped up, running toward Kris to engulf him in a hug. “Thank you!” He practically screeched. His face was red as he ran back to collect his gifts, rushing upstairs to set up his new presents, followed along by Sehun, who was probably a bit jealous of his friend’s haul.

 

Junmyeon felt someone watching him, then turned to eye Kris, who only looked down at his feet when he was caught.

 

Kyungsoo went next, after all the adults went and seemed pretty satisfied with his gift. He opened Jongin’s present last, smiling up at his... boyfriend? Friend? Junmyeon wasn’t really sure what their status of relationship was, but he did know that Kyungsoo better treat his son right if that boy knew what was good for him.

 

Jongin went last, calling Tao and Sehun down to come see. He started off opening all of his uncles’ gifts, thanking them each one by one with a smile, then he opened Junmyeon’s gift, which happened to be new games for the Playstation. “It’s a joint gift, I guess.” Junmyeon shrugged, watching Jongin’s grin widen. He sifted through the rest of Junmyeon’s gifts, which included new clothes and a pair of shoes Jongin had eyed more than a few times when they’d gone to the mall together. He hugged his dad, whispering a small ‘thank you’ under his breath. Junmyeon wrapped his arms around his son, indulging in the fact that this one was never embarrassed to show his love for his dad in public. Tao cooed from behind them, running up to the two of them to join their family group hug.

 

“Oh, Jonginie, you have one more gift!” Chanyeol shouted, picking up the tiny bag with a card sticking out of it.

 

Jongin nodded, taking it from his uncle with gratitude. He opened the card first, squinting at the letters. He read it once. Then twice. Then another time before Junmyeon began to grow worried. His son looked like he was sweating bullets. His fingers shook as he opened up the bag and pulled out what appeared to be car keys.

 

_No._

 

“Merry Christmas,” Kris smirked from the corner.

 

“You’re joking.” Jongin’s eyes watered. “This is a joke.”

 

Kris shook his head. “Go outside. I had it dropped off here this morning.”

 

Jongin bounced to his feet, quickly running to the front door only to fling it open. Junmyeon followed him out quickly. Anger bubbled up in the pit of Junmyeon’s stomach as he watched his son fall to his knees in front of the brand new apple fucking red foreign as fuck convertible car. His son was crying in the snow.

 

Junmyeon moved toward his son but Kris beat him to it, helping Jongin off the ground. Jongin looked up at him with giant eyes before embracing Kris in a tight hug.

 

Junmyeon watched on from afar, feeling bitter as hell. He wanted to be the one to bring his son back his first car--a car that he’d been saving up for for years, but of course Kris swooped in and took this from him too. He wanted to be happy for his son, he really did. Jongin and Kris came toward them, Junmyeon tossing them a thin-lipped smile before stepping back into the warmth of his home.

 

…

 

It was night time, all of Junmyeon’s guests gathering around the TV to marathon Christmas movies. Junmyeon watched his sons from the other side of the room, sitting alone on his recliner, before he couldn’t handle it anymore.

 

He silently made his way upstairs, going through the loft to get to his balcony. He stared out for a while. It wasn’t that this entire get together was a disaster, Junmyeon himself was the disaster. His emotions were a whirlwind of old feelings tucked away in his chest, reignited by someone who broke him.

 

He wasn’t ready to be broken again.

 

Junmyeon shook his head, patted his cheeks, and turned around, only to be greeted by none other than Wu Yifan, staring at him through his screen door. “For the love of God, Kris, what do you want.”

 

“Is this a bad time?”

 

“As bad a time as any,” he muttered.

 

“I don’t know how to fix this…” Kris bit his lip, “Tell me how to fix this.” Junmyeon watched Kris’ eyes fill with tears. “I miss you so much, Suho. Tell me what I can do to make it better.”

 

Junmyeon’s heart felt like it was being sawed in half. “Kris--”

 

Kris fell to his knees, then reached into his pocket to pull out a box. “I kept this, from back then. I meant to give it to you,” his voice cracked. Junmyeon stared down at the box that was delicately held between Kris’ trembling fingers. “I meant to ask you, but I was weak. I was so _weak_ , Junmyeon. I wasn’t good enough for you--”

 

“Don’t say that,” Junmyeon whispered, crouching down low to get to his eye level. “Don’t ever say that, you know it’s not true.”

 

“It was true.” Kris was sobbing now, box still held in his hands. “I wanted to ask you, I wanted to make you mine so badly, but I--” Junmyeon crashed his lips against Kris’. Or he tried to, at least. Their teeth clacked together, both of them recoiling in pain. Kris gaped at him, before both of them giggled.

 

“I was always yours, Yifan.”

 

Kris lowered his eyes, nodding. “This is yours,” he said, opening the box. Junmyeon gulped, staring down at the glistening gold rings. “It’s been yours for years.”

 

“Yeah?” Junmyeon asked, and he was sure he was crying now.

 

Kris took the ring out of the box and brushed Junmyeon’s fingers with the back of his hand. Junmyeon lifted his hand out for Kris to take, watching as Kris slipped the ring back on.

 

“We can try again, right?” Kris asked unsurely.

 

Junmyeon smiled back.

 

There was a knock on the door leading out to the balcony, and both of them turned to see the faces of their friends.

 

Baekhyun ran toward them, holding his arm out above the two, a mistletoe held between his fingers.

 

“Christmas regulation!” Chanyeol sing-songed.

 

Kris and Junmyeon looked at each other, both wearing matching grins. They leaned into each other and pressed their lips together.

 

The rest cheered, congratulating them. They pulled the pair toward them, all of them wrapping together in a group hug. Jongdae pulled his best friend close and spoke into Junmyeon’s ear. “I’m proud of you,” he said.

 

Tao whispered to Jongin, “Does this mean we get a rich dad?” Jongin pointedly elbowed him in the ribs, earning a groan in response.

 

The rest of the night was spent in merriment, with Junmyeon falling asleep in Kris’ arms.

 

It was the best sleep he’d had in years.

**Author's Note:**

> this is for hana for being amazing and writing my paper. thanks buddy, i owe u my fucking foot. thank u stace for putting up with me and editing all my papers and fics i love u ok im gonna pass out. you can find me on twitter if you wanna talk @lovinthesize  
> hope this isnt too shitty ha


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